Preview: A Little Off The Top

March 26, 2013

A Little Off The Top Cover

Ronald:  What’s up Clyde?

Clyde:  Not much, just making another skull for my poster.

Ronald:  You still fucking around with that shit?

Clyde:  Yeah, I get real bored.  Business had been kinda dead.

Ronald:  You’re warped Clyde.  If someone didn’t know you like I do, they would swear those things are real.  You should get a job making shit like that for movies.

Clyde:  Nah, I’m not that good Ronald.  All I’m good at is cutting hair.

Ronald:  I don’t know man.  I see that kind of shit everyday.  It looks real as fuck to me.

Clyde:  Thanks Ronald.




Ronald sits in Clyde’s chair.  Ronald gets text message after text message.




Ronald:  Had two more murders out here again last night.

Clyde:  No shit?  That’s why I keep my door locked here.  I want to see who’s wanting to come in, you never know what kind of sick shit people are up to now days.

Ronald:  I know that’s right.

Clyde:  Why don’t you catch the sick fucks doing all this shit?

Ronald:  There’s only so many cops on a shift.  We can’t be everywhere all the time.

Clyde:  You fuckers always show up when I do something illegal.

Ronald:  What kind of shit are you up too?

Clyde:  Drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes and making weird shit.  You know felonies and shit like that.

Ronald:  Well you just be a pussy and hide in here and we’ll find these people.

Clyde:  Yeah, us pussies will put all of our faith in the men in blue to keep us safe.

Ronald:  That’s right, us real men.

Clyde:  OK fuck get out of my chair and pay me.




Clyde cleans Ronald off and folds his chair cloth, Ronald pulls out a 10 dollar bill and hands it to Clyde.




Ronald:  Thanks Clyde, I gotta go get some sleep.

Clyde:  Hey thank you Ronald.  Be safe out there.

Ronald.  Thanks Clyde.




Ronald walks out the door.  Clyde locks the door behind him.  Clyde walks over and sweeps the hair that he just cut off of Ronald.  Afterwards, he turns on his television.  The Jerry Springer show is on.  Clyde shakes his head in disbelief.  How can there be so many stupid people in the world.  He works 14 hours a day and is always broke.  All the other people have everything given to them. Their only concern is where they can go to get drunk or high.  This infuriates Clyde.  Why is it that some people get everything given to them?  Others struggle and still are only one pay check from being homeless.  Outside cars are passing by.  One car pulls up and a skinny white woman is getting out.  She is dirty and disheveled looking.  Up for days in appearance.  She tells the man to look her up again when he wants to have a “good time.”  The woman is a prostitute and drug addict.  She crosses the street and approaches Clyde’s door.




(knocking) Clyde opens the door.

Whore:  (walking inside) Hey what’s up?

Clyde:  Busy on things, what do you want?

Whore:  Do you have any work I can do?

Clyde:  Fuck off.  I’m not paying people to do what I can do myself.

Whore:  How about I sweep up for 10 bucks?

Clyde:  Fuck you, get out.

Whore:  I’ll suck your dick for 10 bucks.

Clyde:  I have a wife you stupid cunt.  I sure as hell don’t want some aids infected whore touching me.  Now piss off and go away.

Whore:  Go to hell then jack off.

Clyde:  Just get the fuck out.




The whore knocks a statue off the shelf, shattering it on the floor.




Clyde:  Hey, you’re going to pay for that.

Whore:  No way, dude.

Clyde:  You owe me 20 bucks for that, now pay up.

Whore:  I’m leaving, fuck you dude.




Clyde grabs a 10-inch dagger and thrusts it into the woman’s stomach, lifting her off of her feet.  Blood fills her mouth, she tries to make a sound but can’t.  She drops down to the floor.  She tries to sit up and Clyde pulls the knife from her stomach and with one motion cuts her throat.  Clyde grabs a towel and wraps it around the woman’s throat.




Clyde:  (talking to himself) Stupid cunt, you should have just left when I told you to.




Clyde wraps a towel under the whore’s arms and drags her down into his basement.  He goes through her pants pockets and finds ten dollars and three condoms.  He walks back upstairs and gets a hatchet off of the wall and goes back downstairs into the room.  He chops off her head and places it to the side.  He then cuts off her arms and legs.  He drops them and the torso in the 55 gallon drum of acid.  He ties a string to the woman’s hair and to a 2×4 piece of wood.  He looks at the head and says “I would kiss you, but I know whores don’t kiss,” then laughs.  He lowers the head into the drum of acid.  Clyde then walks up to the shop and mops the blood from the woman off of the floor.  He places all the bloody towels in a trash bag and walks outside and throws them into a dumpster.  As he’s walking back to the shop, a policeman passes him, not even giving him a second glance.  A woman comes to the door with her small son.




Clyde:  C’mon in.  May I help you?

Woman:  Uh yes, where’s the barber?

Clyde:  I’m sorry, I’m the barber.

Woman:  But you don’t know how to cut black hair do you?

Clyde:  Yes ma’am, I do.  I’ve been a barber for 23 years.  People are people, hair is hair and money is money.

Woman:  Well, I’m sorry.  I can’t let a white man cut my son’s hair.

Clyde:  OK miss, but I can and would be happy to cut your son’s hair.

Woman:  No, I find a brotha somewhere.

Little Boy:  Mama, everybody else is closed.  This is a nice man.




The woman grabs the boy’s hand and pulls him out the door.




Woman:  Shut up.  I told you never trust the white man.




Disappointed, Clyde closes the door behind them.  Clyde looks at them as they walk away.  The boy looks back at Clyde.  He waves at the boy.  The boy sneaks in a wave back.  Then they are gone.  Clyde feels bad for the little boy.  He knows the mother is wrong to teach him to feel that way.  Even the boy was smart enough to know it made no difference Clyde was white.  Unfortunately, people all over the world teach their children prejudice ways of thinking.  AS Clyde makes another pot of coffee, a woman walks through the door, along with a large dog in tow.  It’s Clyde’s landlord.




Landlord:  I tried calling you.  It said your phone has been disconnected.

Clyde:  I’ve been giving all my money to you so I can get caught up on my rent.  I had to let my phone go. I’m trying to pay everyone.  Business is slow.  It’s a bad economy even for me.

Landlord:  Well, I really don’t care who you can or can’t pay.  But I do know you need to pay me.




Clyde hands the landlord money.




Landlord:  $125 dollars, that’s it?

Clyde:  That’s all I have to my name.  I don’t even have bus fare to get back home.

Landlord:  That’s not my problem, it’s yours.  Either you can be coming up with more every week or you need to get the hell out of my building.

Clyde:  Well, since you raised my rent 50%, it’s not leaving me much at all.

Landlord:  So what.  I guess you’re just a loser that can’t make money.

Clyde:  I’m trying the best I can to get you completely caught up.

Landlord:  Try harder then.


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